the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
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