It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Randomize
