Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
