I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
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