I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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