i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Randomize
