my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Randomize
