i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
