she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
