he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
