So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
