Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize
