She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Randomize
