Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
