Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
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