Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
Be still, my beating vagina.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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