Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
We had to coat check the pizza.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
Randomize
