yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
Randomize
