Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Randomize