True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
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They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
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Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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