I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
Hippo gnu deer
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
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