that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Randomize
