Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
