I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize
