Please don't use social media to get back at me.
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
