i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
Randomize
