I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Randomize
