I'm eating all of the evidence.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
we're making bets on your personal life
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
