Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Randomize
