There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
