By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
there was a trapeze. enough said
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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