I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Randomize
