i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Randomize
