you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
Verdict: uncircumcised.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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