fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
