Your face is a jimmy john
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
