Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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