Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
Randomize
