It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
I think I won the penis lottery.
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
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