ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Randomize
