There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
