I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
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