i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize
