I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
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