Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
Randomize
