He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
Randomize
