i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
