She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
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