I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
i just google imaged poop.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
