Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
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