Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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