just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
I think your dad took our porno
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
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