i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
did i walk over a car last night?
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
