She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
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