After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
