I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
