I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
