Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
Who died my cat blue again?
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
Randomize
