Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize
