yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
