How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
my poor anus
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
Randomize
