so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
Can I color on your dick again?
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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