New invention idea: vibrating tampons
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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