why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Randomize
