he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
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