I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Randomize
