well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
Randomize
