Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
did i just pee glitter
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
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