drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Randomize
